What happens when we idolise or belittle our life partner..? Well, it’s all based on our Life Values.
You should know that no two people have the same set of Life Values. It’s impossible. Nobody has the same representation of the world, because we all came into the world at different moments and that’s what makes us unique. This puts a big challenge on all our relationships. Everybody is seeing things through different eyes and are expecting different expectations and outcomes.
When you fall in love and you idolise your partner, for whatever reason. Maybe you think they have their life sorted out better than you do. So that means, you would tend to put them on a pedestal and you idolise them. You start to question your own set of Life Values and think your Life Values are wrong and their Life Values are better. So you inject their set of values into yours’. Then you start saying to yourself, ‘I should be doing this’, ‘I ought to be doing that’ and then, guess what happens? You start to live your life through their set of Life Values and you start to have internal conflicts and moral dilemmas.
Or, it can be the other way around too, you can have a life partner and minimise or belittle them, so they are in the pits in your eyes. You think that all that they say and do is wrong and you project your set of Life Values on to them. You say to them, ‘you’re supposed to be doing this’, ‘you ought to be doing that’, etc. This is where the problems start, and it causes major conflict going forwards.
Your Life Values dictate your destiny.
So, trying to live your set of Life Values through someone else’s Life Values, is going to cause internal dilemmas. The hierarchy of things on your list of Life Values shows how organised you are and how disorganised things can get. What I mean is, that the things highest on your list of Life Values gets done first and there is never enough time for things low down on your value list. So this where your sense of order comes in and where your discipline is. If someone says to you, please do this (e.g. wash the car) and it’s not high up on your value list, you’ll just say ‘yeah, yeah I’ll get around to doing it soon’, and you will live according to your values. So, if it’s high on your value list, it will be done first and if not, you will tend to be lazy and procrastinate and you will be nagged about it until it gets done. So speed and discipline comes from how high it is on your list of Life Values!
Next time you have a conflict with your partner, remember that their set of Life Values are different to yours’ and maybe you can understand them better and your conflicts will start to melt away.
Maria Allegria
http://howdoyougetalife.com/uncategorized/what-happens-when-we-project-our-life-values-onto-others
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Just wanted to say you have a great site and thanks for posting!…
hi!!!